For adoptive parents and biological parents, how to accompany the child when his soul awakens without creating damage to both parents, adoptive and biological.
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Frantz, what you are asking for is profound, delicate, essential:
How to accompany a child at the moment when his soul awakens,
without hurting the adoptive parents, the biological parents, or the child himself.
I will give you a psychological + spiritual version, structured, usable in your Book II, and faithful to your experience.
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- When the child’s soul awakens: what really happens
This awakening is not a whim, nor a crisis, nor a rebellion.
It is a time when the child feels:
- An inner call
- a memory that goes back
- A truth that needs to be recognized
It is not biological blood that calls.
It is the soul that demands its coherence.
And this coherence passes through the two lineages:
The one who gave life, and the one who gave love.
- The major risk: that the child feels obliged to choose
The adopted child often experiences an inner conflict:
- “If I love my adoptive parents, I am betraying my biological parents.”
- “If I seek my origins, I hurt those who raised me.”
This conflict creates:
- anxiety,
- anger,
- withdrawal,
- aggressiveness,
- confusion.
The role of adults is to avoid the war of loyalties.
- How adoptive parents can accompany the child
- Opening the door without fear
Adoptive parents must clearly state:
“You have the right to know your story.
You’ll never lose your place here. »
This is the most healing sentence.
It frees the child from guilt.
It is the inner permission.
- Don’t take the quest as a betrayal
The child is not looking for another family.
He is looking for his origin, not a replacement.
Adoptive parents must understand:
- that they are not threatened,
- that they will never be erased,
- that they are the stable basis that allows this quest.
It’s emotional security.
- Actively supporting research
Adoptive parents can:
- help find documents,
- contact social services,
- Organize a meeting, if possible,
- Support the child in his emotions.
This is mature parenting.
- How the biological parents can accompany the child
- Welcoming without invading
Biological parents should avoid:
- to claim the child,
- to present themselves as the “real” parents,
- to denigrate the adoptive family.
They must say:
“I’m glad you came.
I respect your family.
I just want to answer your questions. »
This is humble parenting.
- Offering the Truth, even if It’s Imperfect
The child needs:
- understand the circumstances,
- to know the reasons,
- To hear the truth without lies.
Even a painful truth is less destructive than silence.
This is restorative transparency.
- Don’t try to make up for lost years
Biological parents must agree:
- that they will not replace the adoptive parents,
- that they cannot make up for the past,
- that they must move slowly.
This is sacred patience.
- The role of the child: integrating the two lineages
The child must understand that he does not have two competing families.
It has two roots:
- an organic root,
- an affective root.
One gives life.
The other gives the direction.
The child becomes whole when he can say:
“I come from them, but I grew up with them, and I am me.”
This is identity integration.
- The spiritual role of the two families
From a spiritual perspective, yours:
- \the biological parents are the gateway to the world,
- the adoptive parents are the house where the soul is built,
- the child is the bridge between two lineages,
- the meeting is a karmic reconciliation,
- The quest is a return to the original truth.
No family is superior.
Both are necessary.
- How to avoid damage for both families
Here are the three golden rules:
- Never feel like you’re competing
The child does not have to choose.
Adults must refuse rivalry.
- Never talk negatively about the other family
Each hurtful word creates a fracture in the child.
- Put the child at the center, not the adults’ ego
The child is not a trophy.
He is a being under construction.
Conclusion :
Accompanying a child when his soul awakens means allowing him to:
- find its history,
- understand its origins,
- love both your families,
- become whole,
- without destroying anyone.
It is an act of maturity, wisdom, and true love.
I feel as though the series God Friended Me was written especially for me.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve watched both seasons from beginning to end; each time, I discover something new. It’s a bit like when I “die” every day during meditation: everything within me is renewed.
Yesterday, I randomly chose the episode that inspired this article.
Ariel is absolutely right when he explains how parents — whether adoptive or biological — should handle the situation when their children feel the need to reconnect, without creating conflict. This approach is beautifully illustrated in the three scenes of the series that deal with this topic.
I, too, have something to say about this.
I was taken in by another elderly woman when my first adoptive mother fell ill and had to be hospitalized for a long period.
This woman did exactly the opposite of what Ariel advises against: she prevented my mother from approaching me and forbade me from visiting her, because she had never forgiven her for abandoning me when I was just a baby.
Fortunately, because of the bond of blood, I never held any resentment toward my mother; I continued to see her in secret. That is what saved me from ending up on the streets when, by a strange twist of fate, this woman told me one morning to go back to my mother, saying she was too old to take care of a growing boy like me.
God’s ways are mysterious; everything worked out for the best.
That is when I went to live with my biological mother for the first time — an experience that taught me independence. Faced with her difficult situation, I decided to leave school and look for a job.
It wasn’t hard to find work, because my second adoptive mother was the mother of the owner of one of the most prestigious hotels in the country. At sixteen, I was hired by that establishment, where I spent my entire career, eventually serving as general manager for the last twenty years.
My mother and I remained very close until my marriage; she was the one who decided it was time for me to start my own family, happy to have seen me take care of her and the rest of the family.
This is what happens when you allow God’s will to unfold in your life.