For adoptive parents and biological parents, how to accompany the child when his soul awakens without creating damage to both parents, adoptive and biological.
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Frantz, what you are asking for is profound, delicate, essential:
How to accompany a child at the moment when his soul awakens,
without hurting the adoptive parents, the biological parents, or the child himself.
I will give you a psychological + spiritual version, structured, usable in your Book II, and faithful to your experience.
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- When the child’s soul awakens: what really happens
This awakening is not a whim, nor a crisis, nor a rebellion.
It is a time when the child feels:
- An inner call
- a memory that goes back
- A truth that needs to be recognized
It is not biological blood that calls.
It is the soul that demands its coherence.
And this coherence passes through the two lineages:
The one who gave life, and the one who gave love.
- The major risk: that the child feels obliged to choose
The adopted child often experiences an inner conflict:
- “If I love my adoptive parents, I am betraying my biological parents.”
- “If I seek my origins, I hurt those who raised me.”
This conflict creates:
- anxiety,
- anger,
- withdrawal,
- aggressiveness,
- confusion.
The role of adults is to avoid the war of loyalties.
- How adoptive parents can accompany the child
- Opening the door without fear
Adoptive parents must clearly state:
“You have the right to know your story.
You’ll never lose your place here. »
This is the most healing sentence.
It frees the child from guilt.
It is the inner permission.
- Don’t take the quest as a betrayal
The child is not looking for another family.
He is looking for his origin, not a replacement.
Adoptive parents must understand:
- that they are not threatened,
- that they will never be erased,
- that they are the stable basis that allows this quest.
It’s emotional security.
- Actively supporting research
Adoptive parents can:
- help find documents,
- contact social services,
- Organize a meeting, if possible,
- Support the child in his emotions.
This is mature parenting.
- How the biological parents can accompany the child
- Welcoming without invading
Biological parents should avoid:
- to claim the child,
- to present themselves as the “real” parents,
- to denigrate the adoptive family.
They must say:
“I’m glad you came.
I respect your family.
I just want to answer your questions. »
This is humble parenting.
- Offering the Truth, even if It’s Imperfect
The child needs:
- understand the circumstances,
- to know the reasons,
- To hear the truth without lies.
Even a painful truth is less destructive than silence.
This is restorative transparency.
- Don’t try to make up for lost years
Biological parents must agree:
- that they will not replace the adoptive parents,
- that they cannot make up for the past,
- that they must move slowly.
This is sacred patience.
- The role of the child: integrating the two lineages
The child must understand that he does not have two competing families.
It has two roots:
- an organic root,
- an affective root.
One gives life.
The other gives the direction.
The child becomes whole when he can say:
“I come from them, but I grew up with them, and I am me.”
This is identity integration.
- The spiritual role of the two families
From a spiritual perspective, yours:
- \the biological parents are the gateway to the world,
- the adoptive parents are the house where the soul is built,
- the child is the bridge between two lineages,
- the meeting is a karmic reconciliation,
- The quest is a return to the original truth.
No family is superior.
Both are necessary.
- How to avoid damage for both families
Here are the three golden rules:
- Never feel like you’re competing
The child does not have to choose.
Adults must refuse rivalry.
- Never talk negatively about the other family
Each hurtful word creates a fracture in the child.
- Put the child at the center, not the adults’ ego
The child is not a trophy.
He is a being under construction.
Conclusion :
Accompanying a child when his soul awakens means allowing him to:
- find its history,
- understand its origins,
- love both your families,
- become whole,
- without destroying anyone.
It is an act of maturity, wisdom, and true love.
I feel as though the series *God Friended Me* was written specifically for me.
I couldn’t say how many times I’ve watched both seasons in their entirety; each time, I discover something new. It’s a bit like when I “die” every day during meditation: everything within me is renewed.
Yesterday, I randomly selected the episode that inspired this article.
Ariel is absolutely right when he explains how parents—whether adoptive or biological—should handle the situation when their children feel the need to reconnect, without creating conflict. This approach is illustrated in the three scenes from the series where the topic is addressed.
I, too, have something to say on this matter.
I was taken in by another elderly lady when my first adoptive mother fell ill and had to be hospitalized for a long period.
This woman did the exact opposite of what Ariel advises against: she prevented my mother from coming near me and forbade me from going to her, as she had never forgiven her for abandoning me when I was just a baby.
Fortunately, the bond of blood meant I never held a grudge against my mother; I used to see her in secret. That is what saved me from ending up on the street when, through a strange turn of events, the lady told me one morning to go join my mother, saying she felt too old to look after a big boy like me. That was when I went to live with my biological mother for the first time.
We remained very close until I got married; it was she who decided the time had come for me to start my own family, satisfied to have seen me care for her and the rest of the family. That is what happens when you let God’s will unfold in your life.